“You set the boundaries, and I’ll respect them.” Rueing making that statement. Not because I want to hurt or disrespect your choice, but because it is in me to push against every boundary I meet. My very nature rebels at constraint.

I’ve never been a believer in “it’s best for you”, or “you’ll understand later”. I know that growth takes time and too much too soon isn’t good. But, just as with every horizon, beyond which a peek at beauty is visible, the urge to rush forward is palpable and hard to check. But, to respect the boundary set, I must go slowly, carefully.

So, this is me, being good, respecting boundaries, being a graceful loser.

Yeah, right! Inside, I’m sticking out my tongue and yellin’ “nanny, nanny boo boo!” at all the lines I just crossed in my head. I am fully aware how childish that is. I’m a little ashamed at that reaction. But it remains, nevertheless.

In real life, in interactions with people, I follow the rules. So, lines drawn push me to reflect internally, instead. I build the world where that line doesn’t exist, inside my head.

I have a vivid imagination. I see every detail of the stories I weave. My scenes are rich, plush, dressed to the nines and the action is rapid and explosive.

The thing about a floodgate is it’s hard to close until after the torrent is passed. That’s how my creativity goes–in rushing waves of bright, colorful sparks. Then a lull, a calm before the next storm.

My creativity gate has been open for a while now. So the rush is still on. I can’t stop it. I don’t want to.

But I respect your boundaries, your process, and will not cross them

…except in the safety of my own mind.


8 comments so far

  1. femoutloud on

    Wish I could write more of a response typing on my phone from work! Still: the people we most admire, from scientists to human rights activists to good administrators, are those who challenge boundaries. I raised my kids, intentionally, to challenge boundaries – even mine. Sometimes that challenge is simple &I internal: is this boundary appropriate? Yes? OK, done. If it doesn’t pass muster, though, be proud that you’re the strong sort of person who is inclined to challenge boundaries. Stick out your visualized tongue all you like; it’s a beautiful, positive trait!

    • Searching4Self2013 on

      FOL: Oh boy! License to be bad. I feel like James Bond! Kidding! I feel the same way on a lot of levels. Which is why I’m not really sorry about having that reaction. 🙂

  2. M. Spence on

    I totally “get” this post, in regards to the lack of patience and the mental line-crossing! It’s a good thing we can’t be held accountable for our thoughts, right? And sometimes, all that line-crossing practice in our heads makes it easier to handle deftly when the time does come in real life.

  3. MakingSpace on

    I keep trying to respond in a heartfelt way, but your imagery is just so – um I’m sorry – so cute! I keep chuckling. Also, I love the way you figured out how to respect another’s boundaries while feeling free inside your mind. That’s pretty cool. And you’re funny. Heh.

    • Searching4Self2013 on

      LOL! That’s exactly what I was going for…cute. Ahem! I shall endeavor to loftier heights of descriptive imagery. 😉 Glad you got a chuckle.

  4. Femmi on

    Boundaries in the emotional sense don’t seem to be more than a shifting line in the sand. So difficult to maintain and so easy to cross. Luckily relationships can be open to renegotiation and be redefined as often as needs be.

    • Searching4Self2013 on

      Great point. So glad that’s true, else life could easily become imprisoning.

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