Catch-up Blogging

This is not an apology, it is a fact: my life has been one high-tension, fast-paced, emotion-filled bundle of blessings and challenges for the last six weeks. As a result, my blogging came to a screeching halt. Something had to give, or my sanity would have.

But fear not! I love this blog and the exercise in self examination that most posts turn out to be. So, I’m back (for today, anyway) to hit some highlights (in no particular order):

– Roller derby totally ROCKS! I got to attend my first match in person not long ago. I bought floor seats, got to shake hands with the teams as they passed my seat before & after the matches…awesome! Definitely going back!

– I can’t decide if I’m fighting a losing battle with trying to come out to my brother and his wife, or not. They show me daily how much they love me. But just as I’m about to pull the trigger, one or both of them makes some slur or slam against gays in general, lesbians in particular. EVERY TIME. It’s uncanny. Maybe they’re trying to tell me (a) we know already, and (2) don’t tell us, because we can’t handle it. *sigh*

– Discovering what you like, how much you can handle in a romantic relationship is both thrilling and terrifying. But, one thing is certain: letting fear stop me from taking a chance would have been a tragic mistake many times more painful than the sadness experienced with an amicable breakup. In the words of @KeepCalm as seen recently on Twitter: “Sometimes you have to let go of something precious
in order to get something priceless.” And I would add that letting go doesn’t have to be a”goodbye forever”. If you are as lucky and blessed as I am, you’ll keep that precious gift in your life as a dear friend even as you develop the priceless relationship into something amazing.

– I recently re-discovered a tiny urban nature preserve in my town. It’s a beautiful arboretum with walking trails and quiet little corners in which to sit and enjoy the beauty of an intentional green space. An added bonus is that it is paid for and maintained by the local public power utility–corporate responsibility in action. And even better, because it’s an engineered green space, it’s a perfect place to have an out-door Skype date without feeling like a jerk for using tech in the middle of nature.

– It’s essentially Summer, but still barely Spring weather here in fly-over country. My fruitless pears bloomed recently, giving me another reason to smile for a couple of weeks. And giving a cardinal a reason to make a rare stop at ground level in my yard.

– Recently, I’ve had cause to be extremely grateful for friends who accept me, despite my scars. One dear friend in particular has made a profound impact on healing one deep wound of my past. With her permission, I’m sharing this snippet of verse that weakly expresses my gratitude for her gift of love and support:
a burden shared, a load of guilt and shame lifted
your open heart reaching out to mine
comfort, strength, courage, peace
these gifts of precious worth have made all the difference

– Finally, can I just say that four months, 120 days, is both an unbearable eternity and the blink of an eye. Patience isn’t my long suit. But, I can wait…I think I can…

– Aaaaaand, this just in: had a wonderful dinner with a dear friend & colleague tonight. We hadn’t seen each other in more than six months, but he immediately spotted a difference in me, a happiness and excitement he hadn’t seen before. So, when he demanded to know what’s up, I told him. I came out to a person in my own circle of in-real-life friends!! And he didn’t even blink, just smiled and told me he was happy for me and gave me a hug after dinner. Just accepted what I had to say without judgement and was happy for me. What an AMAZING feeling!!!! Whew. One down…the rest should be easier from here, right?

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5 comments so far

  1. Femmi on

    Whoop whoop… yay on the coming out front…

    So proud of you!

    • Searching4Self2013 on

      Thanks so much, Femmi! I can’t even tell you how excited I am that it finally happened in face-to-face conversation. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right? Now I’ve done it once, I have a feeling more will soon follow. But it never would have gotten this far without the support you & Lulu have given me all along the way. 😉

  2. Lulu on

    You are priceless and amazing! What you have achieved, you did yourself. You have been, and yes, you are supported, however, it takes a strength of character to make great changes and take big steps, and this you have done yourself.

    Your gratitude though never sort, is greatly appreciated and by no means a weak expression it is but eloquent and beautiful as always. ❤

    Congratulations on coming out to two people this past two weeks, one deliberate and one an Oopsy …. :0)

    Well done, you've got this!

    Lulu

  3. […] Catch-up Blogging (suddenawareness.wordpress.com) […]


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