A Lament (because venting prevents violence)

Gut-boiling, teeth-grinding, head-pounding anger is something I try to avoid at all costs.  It is impotent to resolve its cause and damaging on so many levels.  Ordinarily, I much prefer reasoned argument, persuasion, logic, compassion and active listening.  These things present better opportunities for peaceful, equitable resolution.  They are tools with purpose and utility, where blind rage and seething indignation is useless.

However, there are those times, thankfully rare in my life, when my sensibilities are so outraged, my logic and intelligence so affronted and my sense of justice so injured that such anger is the only response available to me.  Active, purposeful efforts to control emotion, maintain objectivity and professional decorum are unavailing against an avalanche of injustice.

This week has been full to bursting with professional injustices that have me overwrought.  I am so disappointed in the lack of leadership and support from my boss, a colleague I’ve so long respected and admired. This, I think, is the greatest blow of all that have fallen this week, that his heretofore unassailable logic, intelligence, professionalism, fairness and personal integrity are utterly absent. I expected to rely on him to provide guidance and a calming influence in this struggle, while supporting me and the decisions I have to make to manage my team. That is the role and duty of a senior executive. I have never before doubted his leadership and it is a bitter, burning disappointment to find cause to doubt in the midst of a storm.  I am angry…and sad…and frustrated that the vacuum of personal integrity of certain business leaders is condemning me and my team to a Sisyphean labor of futility.

Positivity and hopefulness have never felt so out of reach.

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4 comments so far

  1. Jamie Ray on

    I had a boss who couldn’t say no to his boss; he was terrified he would lose his job. It made my life miserable at work, and it made my staff’s life miserable too. When I raised a professional objection I ended up getting demoted, and my boss put a bobble-headed sycophant in my place. My boss loved him because no matter how stupid the request was he just said “no problem”. Sometime bureaucracy just sucks.

  2. Buddha steps on

    Betrayal always hurts, but sudden, unexpected betrayal is the worst of all. I fully understand your anger and frustration; about all you can do is roll with the punches and try not to let the anger poison your own self. I don’t say it’s easy, but it pays off if you can do it. Anger hurts you all over, body and soul. Not saying it doesn’t sometimes get me, too. Breathe and let go. Sounds easy, but is really hard. I wish I could soften your sharp pain, but don’t know how to do that. Do remember that you have one sister who has been there, too and cares that you hurt. 🙂

    • Searching4Self2013 on

      Thank you for your understanding, wisdom & caring. It helps. And I agree & am working on the letting go part. 🙂


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