Archive for August, 2014|Monthly archive page

Quick-Hit Post, Because I’ve Been Slack

I’ve had another one of those totally-not-fun, days-long headaches. Weather-related this time, I think. Thunderstorms for the last week or so. The pressure builds inside my skull as it builds in the atmosphere.

I really hate this kind of headache. It gripes me because it affects my thinking, my disposition, my energy, and makes Lulu worry.

But I’m determined not to be governed by a headache. I’ve been trying, with varying degrees of success (or failure, depending on your point of view) to keep an even temperament and civil speech through the grinding ache.

Today I think I succeeded. I did some seriously hard-core executive lawyering today, including mentoring one of my junior attorneys through a tricky negotiation with a mega-company and our own executive leadership. Then, I left work before dark (yay!), got my hairs cut by my fave stylist (also yay!) and got crispy tacos for supper (yay, a third time!). All without giving in to the pain demon and ripping anyone’s head off for the stupidity I’ve also endured today.

That’s WINNING in my book!

I hope you’re finding a way to feel victorious today, too. 🙂

Butch hissy-fits aren’t pretty

I haven’t blogged in a long time. Tons of good reasons and even more excuses as to why. But now is not the time to get into all of that. There are things banging around inside of me that need to get said, explored, examined, tested & debunked. Again, though, this isn’t that post.

Actually, at nearly midnight on a weeknight, when I should be resting for another long, challenging workday ahead, I shouldn’t be blogging at all. Rest & recharging should be my priority. I’m instead lying in the dark fuming about something I shouldn’t even be upset about.

My bed was stripped & linens washed without warning while I was at work. I didn’t see it before I went to get ready for bed and had to scramble, at 11 o’clock at night, to find bedding & make the bed.

Yeah, I know: lucky you to have someone do something so thoughtful, so what’re you complaining about?

I’ve railed and ranted inside my head about why this pisses me off. I’ve internally lived out the most likely discussion that would occur should I address this irrationally irksome situation to my well-loved family member who precipitated my thoroughly bad humor. And I’ve had a stern, frank, bracing argument with my inner-complainer about why this is not the battle to pick and how trivial and unworthy of my energy this issue is.

Yet, here I sit. I’m still ticked off that this stupid thing happened. I’m still baffled at the rudeness and presumption I feel has been shown by someone I never expected had the capacity for such carelessness. And now I’m also ashamed at myself for feeling so strongly about something so minor, insignificant and, in all likelihood, unintentional.

Honestly, how was she to know that her helpfulness would so thoroughly piss me off?

So what’s my real problem? I miss my Lulu so badly that suddenly losing the scent of her hair on the pillowcase stabs at my heart so painfully that it’s either rage or bawl like a baby. Neither is a rational, sane, mature adult response to so small a thing. Yet that’s where I am.

I know that it had to happen eventually. I was planning to clean up the room, do laundry & all the rest of my neglected chores this weekend. But I’d also planned to hang onto that pillowcase for a little while longer. And now that I don’t have that option, or the scent of her hair to fall asleep with, I’ve lost a bit of my grip on rationality.

Sometimes being a strong butch really bites.

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