Noisy, Painful, and Dark

Faltering in my positivity streak…

— — — — —

Noisy, painful, and dark – that’s what the world feels like right now. 

  • Brussels
  • Gomeshi 
  • North Carolina, Georgia, Kansas- legislated hatred & bigotry 
  • Suicide Bombings
  • Burning children 
  • Dead trans* women
  • Police violence against POC
  • Refugees ignored, targeted, vilified 

My heart is exhausted and my mind is numb. 

Hatred, indifference, misogyny, discrimination, unkindness, reactionary politics, bombastic rhetoric, and invective spewed indiscriminately at anyone, anything, and any idea or ethos that doesn’t fit in a predetermined “normal” box. All difference, diversity, and authenticity reviled. Threats of violence, ostracism, even imprisonment or internment being bandied about like poker chips by not just internet trolls, but also by men (and some women) in positions of power…just for existing as women or queer or trans* or black or Muslim… 

The world is looking pretty dark. The noise, the cacophony of hate is physically painful. I’m having trouble finding the good things that have meaning in order to celebrate them. 

This is why I don’t watch the news or listen to the radio. This level of poison in the atmosphere, the seething hatred making the air and sea and earth burn…it is too much.  

My heart and mind recoil. But where is there any solace, any refuge?  


2 comments so far

  1. Emily Gritz on

    This resonates with me, particularly as an INFP empath. A few years ago, I hit a pretty deep depression in part because I was unable to healthily process my pain from knowledge of anthropogenic climate change and its negative impacts on humans and other animals, as well as systematic inequalities. My therapist and I had some conversations about why I felt so much responsibility for making the world a better (more livable place). She asked me if I could just take a break from wanting to save the world for awhile. I have tried, in ways. And although I feel some guilt about ignoring the news sometimes (I have for years, although I collect it in bits here and there), I understand that’s what I need to do sometimes to maintain some emotional security. As for there being any refuge from the pain, one of the “refuges” I’ve found is appreciating the little things in my daily life. I let myself be joyful at the flowers and changing of seasons and finding ways to make my coworkers laugh. I don’t forget about the fear, ignorance, and hate floating around, but I focus more on the sweet things and try to share my own joyful energy with others. Because while I’m not stopping trolls or coal trains, I’m connecting with myself and others—showing there is something to live for and enjoy. Appreciating the little things gives me hope.

    I hope you find some peace.

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