Thinking…

So the stars didn’t align and that blog collaboration I’d hoped for won’t happen. But I’m still working on the more substantive post. It’s just going to take a bit longer. 

I’ve had a weird week. It was quiet at work, with sporadic bursts of crisis and tension. And on a personal level, I’ve been in a strange, contemplative space. I’ve been thinking…

Thinking about gender. Thinking about what “living life” really means. Thinking about past hurts and past joys. Thinking about how adults make friends and how loneliness takes hold unexpectedly. Thinking about how being happy is sometimes hard work. Thinking about how inner voices can be both builders and destroyers. Thinking about how ambush emotions suck hugely. Thinking about visibility and representation in media can mean so much and yet disappoint so much when it’s done poorly. Thinking how hard it is to be positive some days. 
Thinking about so many things can be heavy work. 
And if I’ve decided anything about anything I’ve been thinking, it’s that I made the right choice to stay off of social media. I did a little lurking in my FB and Twitter accounts and am sick at how awful it was. The tiny pinpricks of light that a few friends’ posts bring to my feed are not able to bleach the dark stains of hate and anger and awfulness that otherwise flood the feeds. And I believe that negativity is a huge contributor to the flat, inky, downer thoughts I’ve been stuck in for the last few days. 

So, to get back on the positivity path and be the happy, positive, hopeful person I have been forging myself into these last few years, I am reimplementing the social media moratorium. And for good measure, I’ll skip the regular media as much as possible, too. 

Until I’m back to my old self, I’ll hang my hat on these few rays of positivity and hopefulness:

  1. My boss gave me a great compliment on Friday in the midst of delegating authority to me for the week he’ll be out of the office. He has confidence in my skill, intelligence and integrity. That means a lot to me. 
  2. I got a new game for my Switch, Kirby Star Allies, and spent a couple hours today in total escapism. 
  3. I’ve developed a liking for Mediterranean food and have found a couple great places in my town that serve it. Bonus: the place with the best falafel also has a really nice wait staff that I enjoy speaking with when I’m there. 

Have a great week, my friends. I hope there are bright sparks of joy in your lives that make staying positive less a chore and more a relief. 

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