Bleed It Out

In an earlier post, January I think, I talked about seeing the good, even on bad days.

“Seeing the good, even if it’s only one small thing, when everywhere there is darkness and chaos, is the most important facet to my campaign toward self-improvement. Because, in my most secret, private self, I know that if there is ever a time when the tally board of positives hits absolute zero, that’s when my spirit will truly despair. I have to know, like Samwise Gamgee, that “there’s good in this world” so that I have “something worth fighting for”.”

Sometimes seeing the good takes work, digging in your heels against the disappointment and sludge and refusing to capitulate to the urge to catastrophize what’s happening and give up on finding the silver lining.

Other times, seeing the good requires acknowledging the hard stuff, stiffening your neck and fighting the darkness with a little of its own medicine. As I said to a Facebook friend last night,

“Sometimes you just need some hard-driving music and truth in lyric form to shake the demons from the tree.”

Sometimes you just have to “Bleed It Out” (credit: Linkin Park) to make room for the less jagged, mind-consuming stuff.

I’ve been having a hard time with negativity lately, feeling a little overwhelmed with the quantity of stressful, sad, rage-inducing crud going on in my world. Though I keep working at reframing the negative and keep trying to find things to be thankful for daily, the last little while has been fairly rough. But I’m not a quitter and I’m determined to kick this slump.

So yesterday I decided that drastic measures, in the form of some angry/emo music, were called for. I was mildly irritated to find that my music library is slightly deficient in metal and rage-rock. But I was able to scrape together 11 songs into a playlist that is sufficiently dark and indignant to play at obnoxiously loud volume in my headphones that it drowns out the clamor of the stress, anxiety and insecurity my inner critic has been shouting at me lately.

It’s beginning to work, too. I had it on repeat most of the day while I slogged through tedious research and data gathering. It helped focus my mind on being productive, rather than being obsessed with the negative things. I’m happy with that as a positive outcome of my struggle.

Here’s my list. What additional tracks would you suggest?

4 comments so far

  1. the #1 Itinerary on

    Great post 😁

  2. Widdershins on

    Mine would be the entirety of Annie Lennox’s ‘Diva’. 😀

    • Searching4Self2013 on

      Good one! But her voice is too velvety smooth to exorcise my demons. But that voice can certainly take your mind to places that make you forget some of those demons! 😉

      • Widdershins on

        Smooth it certainly is. 🙂


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