Signs of Maturity, or at Least Personal Growth

I don’t know why I should feel any surprise at all, given the years’ worth of effort to achieve exactly this, but I am pleasantly surprised to recognize new signs of growth and maturity in myself. It’s gratifying to see positive results from concerted effort. Clearly, I’m not perfect and this whole improving myself gig is never ending. Nevertheless, I’m happy to see results and pleased with how far I’ve come.

Here are a few things that, in my mind, mark progress in areas of myself that I’ve been working on:

  1. Confidence and “owning my awesome“, as I’ve previously called it on this blog. This is absolutely NOT arrogance or false courage that is often mistaken for being justifiably confident. What I’m proud of is both recognizing and then acknowledging without demurrer my achievements and their relative significance. For example, just today, we finished a huge, complex, extremely detailed, data-intensive project for one of the litigation matters I’ve been co-managing with my boss. It involved coordinating inputs from half a dozen people, data from dozens of sources over a period spanning nearly two decades, and creating multiple tools and interim iterations just to arrive at a single, comprehensive analysis that will inform – under-pin, even – the entirety of our case and have a direct impact on the ultimate outcome. Whatever that outcome, I found myself saying to my boss today, I’m proud of our collective work and of my own considerable contribution. I think what I’m most proud of is that we have done absolutely everything that could be done to secure our desired outcome; we did nothing half-assed and left no detail unexplored or unresolved. Having the clarity and courage to acknowledge that, both to him and to myself, is just as big of an achievement for me as the work itself.
  2. Honesty and Personal Integrity. All my life I’ve worked hard to maintain a high standard of personal integrity and to always be truthful with myself and others. As is the way of all noble pursuits, this takes continuous effort and it is not until you are confronted with challenge or temptation that you know whether that effort has paid off. During the course of preparing for the trial of that same litigation matter over the last several months, I have been both confronted and tempted, having to account for actions and decisions, as well as resist the opportunity to cut corners, even cheat, in my work. Most challenging have been the times when people have given me the answers they thought I wanted to hear, rather than the actual facts or truth. Recognizing that condition, carefully and tactfully correcting it, and getting the work done accurately and well while maintaining the integrity of the work and of my word, was a true test of the value of my life’s work on these personal values. It came home to me when I found myself counseling a coworker to “give me uncomfortable truths over comfortable untruths any day”. Because the temporary and relatively minor discomfort I experience now while I’m adjusting toward acceptance of that truth is an order of magnitude less painful than the trauma and devastation that I’ll have to overcome when unpicking the comfortable untruths that have become enmeshed in the fabric of my life (or of this case) when the truth inevitably comes to light. Choosing to endure the present pain of the truth over enjoying the temporary and false comfort of a lie is maturity.
  3. Prioritizing Myself. Lastly, I’m proud of successfully prioritizing my own needs without guilt or shame. I told my boss today (I didn’t ask or request, but informed) that when this trial is concluded I’m taking at least a week and am doing something just for myself, and will not even think about my job or permit anyone, including him, to bring my job into my time off for the entire time I’m away. I have endured extraordinary levels of stress over the last year for this company, putting myself last in all things, and it’s taken a huge toll on my body and mind. I’m no longer willing to sacrifice my peace of mind and all of my personal time for a job and a company that takes my sacrifice for granted. It’s a tiny step, declaring my intention and brooking no argument about it from myself or anyone else. But it’s a vital step to fostering my wellbeing and choosing myself. And doing it without a self-imposed guilt trip is a huge accomplishment.

There you go. Three good things, positive progress in my journey to being my best self. I hope you all are succeeding with n your own journeys, too.

1 comment so far

  1. Widdershins on

    Yaaaaaaaaaay! … ** waves arms in the air like Kermit and runs around in circles** 😀


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