Reasons Be Damned

Last post, I talked about reasons to stay/go at my job. By sheer numbers, Go won hands-down. But I was still working through the logic, trying to figure out whether it was salvageable. Then, later that week, I had a terrifyingly open discussion with my boss in which I admitted to being extremely unhappy and unable to identify what purpose and value I have to the company anymore. He again advised that the chief source of our mutual misery will be leaving in under two years and I should stick it out.

Since that conversation, I’ve been doing my best with the dreck I’m dealing with. I keep looking back at that list in my last post and trying to beef up the Stay side, attempting to persuade myself that giving up on nearly 20 years of work and professional investment isn’t failure. I have dug as deep as I know how, and I keep coming up empty.

And in the face of the blatantly unfair and wrong directive I received last night, which completely disregards my leadership, undermines my authority, and eviscerates my agency,…for the second time at this job…I can think of no good reason to stay and endure the continued abuse and poisonous politics.

Reasons be damned. I’m out.

I even applied for a job I saw on LinkedIn today. I won’t just walk out, leaving my team unsupported and work undone. But I’ve made the choice inside my head and committed to myself that I won’t put up with it any more.

Now I just have to find the least disruptive path to a new start. Oh, and tell my family…and my boss…and my team.

Ugh, this sucks.


7 comments so far

  1. MainelyButch on

    You are doing the right thing. Unfortunately, the world is getting more difficult for us to navigate as we became almost accustomed to in the last 20 yrs. I know you and I are probably somewhere along the same generation, where we fought hard and brought big, great changes to the minds and hearts of our families, friends, associates and even our state and federal gov’ts. Now we are suffering serious, dangerous and hateful backlash because the loudmouth, know-nothing idiot currently in our Oval office is promoting it out loud and aiming at all minority groups – basically anyone not homogenous white, evangelical and sheepish in their following of him as a “God”…he’s got them all bamboozled and is fanning the flames of hate – basically he is desiring a civil war in America – with HIS name on it.

    The people you are working with are feeling emboldened by his outright hate and rhetoric with the ugly theory that “if the President says it’s so, then it’s okay for me to be a bigot like him and help spread his (and his very influential “aids” who convince him to say and do lots of this shit – i.e. Stephen Miller #1 Neo-Nazi of America and DJT’s right hand man) hate for no real reason other than differences like color, race, religion, sexual identity and gender”…and unfortunately YOU are their target when it comes to stifling the “gay agenda” and our desire for equality and fairness. Don’t take it personally, it’s you today and when you leave it will be the next LGBTQ person they find to conveniently target to see if the hate will work to push us back into the closet or out of the country…Sad, but I’m leaning towards this being pretty true.

    Just pack your office, quietly leave the key and your letter of resignation on your bosses desk, along with any company issued ID or equipment, and stroll out the door with your head held high. Make a point that NO ONE should be treated as you have endured. Be very specific in your letter and call them out on the bullshit you have had to put up with while employed there. Don’t mince words, they aren’t concerned about hurting YOUR feelings, so don’t be concerned about being politically correct or about hurting their feelings. Then, file a complaint with the board, the stare and the BBB. I would even suggest you call Lambda Legal and HRC…if you can find the energy.

    Be proud my friend. Do not ever let anyone feel that they have the right to walk on you or hate at you like this. You are evolved far beyond their childish stupidity and blind following of hateful people who are lying to them.

    Sorry so long…I got passionately carried away…I’m concerned and want the best for you. Peace! ~ MB

  2. Admin on

    Choosing a new path can be difficult but it can make life beautiful once again; and with finite time here, beauty is so important. You deserve that.

    • Searching4Self2013 on

      Thank you. I’m hoping for a renewal of beauty. Or, maybe just a renewal of my ability to see it and connect with it again.

  3. Widdershins on

    The details will sort themselves out with varying degrees of ‘oops’, but in the meantime …

    YAAAAAAAAAY!!! … **waves arms in the air like Kermit and runs around in circles** … I’m proud of you! 😀

    • Searching4Self2013 on

      Thanks friend. I’m trying not to let my brain tell me that quitting is nothing to be proud of. Instead, I’m trying to internalize the perspective that this isn’t quitting, just choosing a new reality.

      • Widdershins on

        Yep, you’re moving on. 🙂

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