Archive for the ‘gratitude’ Tag

Seeing the good

Well, my last post was less positive than I had hoped for so early in the year. I had a wild aspiration of doing only positive, up-beat posts this year while keeping up the weekly posting goal. I knew, deep down in the unacknowledged corners of my psyche, that was unrealistic. Let’s face it, everything isn’t always butterflies and unicorns. Too, I am not very successful at posting fake positivity when I’m feeling down or frustrated. So only happy posts was a pipe dream from jump.

But that’s not to say I am giving up on looking for the positives, even on the bad days. Seeing the good, even if it’s only one small thing, when everywhere there is darkness and chaos, is the most important facet to my campaign toward self-improvement. Because, in my most secret, private self, I know that if there is ever a time when the tally board of positives hits absolute zero, that’s when my spirit will truly despair. I have to know, like Samwise Gamgee, that “there’s good in this world” so that I have “something worth fighting for”.

I’m blessed in that I have not yet lived a day – and there have been at least 6 days out of my 49, nearly 50, years in which the darkness was all-encompassing and nearly absolute – which was completely devoid of anything positive. On the days on which I lost each of my parents, for example, I took refuge in the positive, glowing comfort of the love of my brothers and their wives. On the darkest day of all, which I will not describe or force myself to relive, I at least had resources enough to get help to dispel the evil and eventually emerge back into the light. As my anxiety coach has said several times: I “have a 100% success rate so far” of overcoming the demons, the stress, the fear, the evil that threatens my peace. So, if nothing else, I have that.

Luckily, I’m not living through rock-bottom like that right now, and there is much to be thankful for. Although there is stress and drama and sleeplessness still to overcome, I have seen a lot that is good and hopeful.

Here are three good things from the past three days (all of which I posted on FB, too) that make me thankful for the good stuff:

  1. 52,901 words, 120 pages written on my fiction project. And today I worked myself out of the corner into which I’d written myself a week ago. I think I’ll end up with about 145 pages in this first draft. I’m really proud of how far I’ve come on this. I think I’m on target to checking off a major bucket list item before my 50th birthday in a little over a month: completed book (short though it may be). It may never be published or ever read by anyone else, but I will have conquered the self-doubt that has forever told me that I couldn’t do it, couldn’t be a writer, had no skill to say anything worthwhile. Hah! Take that, insecurities!
  2. I had an awesome dinner out with Supper Club friends Saturday night, despite the frigid temps. Gnocchi and grilled chicken with onion soup Normandy was a perfect, warming meal. Nice conversation and a good atmosphere made for a great evening.
  3. The litigation stuff that I’ve been dealing with sucks, but it’s not all bad. On Friday, I had the hugely gratifying experience of receiving and handing over to my CFO a high 6-figure check from a settlement of a matter that I managed to completion. Nice when your work pays off – literally.

Good night, my friends! May the week ahead be full of positives for which you can feel grateful.

Another Professional Positive

I seem to write about my job a lot lately and it’s probably boring and borderline boasting. I don’t wish to bore you, nor to be boorish in my recounting of things in which I take pride. Yet, to be true to my positivity goal, I like to share these little good things from the part of my life that occupies the bulk of my waking hours. So I’ll keep this one short.

This week, after traveling all last week, has been rather high-stress. Lots of demands for my time and pressure being put on my team, plus seemingly endless conference calls, all make for a brutally exhausting week that isn’t even over yet. My brain today is particularly tested after back-to-back calls that started at 6am and lasted through noon, only to pick up again an hour later. But I’ve somehow remained present, engaged and professional, even avoiding being rude and dismissive when confronted with truly inane questions from folks who should know better.

But the shining star of positivity for me today came from a series of conversations with my boss. We’ve been working through a bunch of thorny issues in various litigation matters for months now. Today we spoke several times, strategizing approaches to address each issue and brainstorming resources and reference materials to include in those solutions. It’s substantive lawyering and executive decision-making rolled into one. I’m proud that in every conversation I was clear and confident in making my points, debating with insight and professional skill without resorting to emotion or logical fallacies to emphasize my concerns. And, without prompting, my boss complimented my precision and insight, making it clear he appreciates my contribution to the process.

Being the boss rocks, but being a trusted advisor and confidant to my boss is even better. One very good thing on this long, tiring day.

I hope you’re finding inspiration from your own successes and enjoying the beginning of Autumn (in the Northern, Spring in the Southern hemisphere). Be well my friends!

Grateful 

I’ve written several times about my job. They’ve been mostly positive posts, because my work life is mostly positive. Like all people and all jobs, there are good and bad days, good and not so good people, good and less than good experiences. But, taken as a whole, it’s a positive work life. I know how blessed I am in this respect, because I’ve had really bad jobs, horrible bosses and coworkers, and experiences so negative that I was forced to quit. 

But that’s not this job. This job, at which I’ve spent the last 18 years, is satisfying, challenging, and important. I have a great boss who appreciates me and values my skill and contributions. My team is an engaged, high-performing, cheerful group of skilled professionals. The work we do matters to the success of a good company that provides good products and services. Our solutions provide valuable functionality to people all over the world. And the work my team does is a vital component to making it all work. How satisfying it is to know that the hard, frustrating, crazy-making work and the fun, intriguing, fascinating work has meaning and value in something so important to so many. 

This is a good job and I’m happy to be a part of such a great team. 

So today, I took my entire local team out for lunch to celebrate the milestone anniversaries that will occur this year among them. We cheered for our longest-term colleague who is celebrating her 30th year, and our newest member who has been with us two months today, and everyone in between. Collectively, we have over 150 years of legal experience, which is nothing to sneeze at. 

In the middle of it all it struck me how lucky we are to have built such a great team and how grateful I am for each of them. And I told them so. I thanked them for all their great work and for being such a great team. We laughed and ate and had a great time. Then I gave them all the afternoon off as a treat. It felt really great to be able to do that. 

Just wanted to share that gratitude with all of you. I hope you have abundant reasons to feel grateful today. Have a great weekend, my friends!

Vaguely Coherent Ramblings On The Communication Of Love

Gosh, I haven’t touched this blog in an age. Not because I don’t want to write, or don’t have anything to say, or don’t care about my readers. I am deeply grateful for my readers. I have tons to say and want to write gobs. And this blog has saved my sanity in more ways than I can count.

Funny thing, tho, about life and my brain and its ability to distill my jumbled thoughts into coherent sentences: when I’m under stress and need that unburdening the most, that’s when my brain & writing ability take a vacation. It all bottles up inside my chest and gels into a solid lump of silent, stupid, tense and uncommunicative.

But, lucky for me, my beloved has a way of making it safe for me to say what I need to say, as well as the patience to wait until I’m ready to say it. Sometimes that’s a long time and sometimes the moment comes when each of us least expects it. It’s crazy how the words sometimes just tumble out of my mouth without any ability to halt them when that happens.

But thank God for patience, maturity and love. Because we both have them in abundance when it comes to the other, we can use those bursts of vocal energy and turn them into fuel for our growth as a couple. I’m amazed at how her understanding of my halting, imperfect and often emotional method of communication results in our ending each such conversation with deeper empathy for the other and a heartfelt “I love you”.

For this more-than-the-sum-of-it’s-parts communication and the patience, love and understanding of my beloved, I am truly grateful.

Now, maybe I can find my way back to a more regular blogging habit? Stay tuned…

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