Archive for the ‘tired’ Tag

On Exhaustion

From the random thoughts pile: If energy is neither created nor lost, but simply transformed from one state to another, what does it take to transform enough energy from the nebulous ‘other states’ to fuel a person through a full work week such that the entirety of the weekend isn’t lost to ‘battery recharging’?

Friends, I’m tired. Seems like I get enough sleep – about 6.5 to 7 hours each night. I certainly get enough to eat and it’s mostly good, nourishing, and prepared by the hands of others. I even get leisure time to read or watch tv from time to time. But at the end of every 55-60 (average) hour work week, all I seem to be able to do is sleep in and be lazy.

Of course, the knee-jerk response I get when musing on this aloud among friends or family, is: you’re getting old, just accept it.

I reject that premise. Age doesn’t scare me and I’m not ashamed of my age. I don’t feel old or world-weary. I feel tired, not old or past usefulness. Tired, as in if I sit still for too long I fall asleep, kind of tired. As in, I seem to yawn my head off constantly, kind of tired.

But I don’t have a physically demanding job to explain the exhaustion. I use my brain, not my back, as my grandmother used to exhort me to do. I just don’t understand how thinking and reasoning and arguing positions and negotiating outcomes, all in the comfort of a climate-controlled, well appointed office can induce such deep and lasting exhaustion.

Feels bad to be this tired and not be able to explain it. Especially when others close to me do work physically and for similarly long hours. I know, intellectually, that comparison of such disparate jobs is invalid. But I can’t help thinking that exhaustion from physical work is earned, whereas intellectual labor should be invigorating rather than draining.

I still love my job, though. It’s gratifying to achieve goals and help a good company grow. It’s a blessing for which I’m thankful. I just wish I understood why it makes me so tired.

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Stamina + Health Critically Low

I feel like a video game character who has run too fast or lifted something too heavy. If you checked my status display you’d see an empty stamina wheel and a single blinking heart signaling a need for energy top-up. My screen image would be a drooping, panting, limp mess. 

In other words, I’m exhausted. 

My stupid brain kept me awake half the night with ridiculous stress dreams about work for no discernible reason. Yes, I had a 6am conference call, which is unusual, but it shouldn’t have raised the kind of stress found in these idiotic dreams. I’m amazed at the appalling ingenuity of my subconscious in creating images and scenarios that can snap me instantly awake with a pounding heart rate at 3am. Over nothing at all! It’s infuriating. 

Now I’m dragging so hard I don’t know what to think. I’m glad all my meetings were this morning, because my brain is M. I. A. right now and I’m afraid I’d seriously embarrass myself if I had to present or speak intelligently on anything at the moment. 

So, I may be calling it a day a little early today. Just in time to repeat it over another early call tomorrow. Joy. 

I hope you’re well rested and having a lovely day. I’m determined that I will too…eventually. 🙂

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